I have two daughters, 18 and 26. After 26 years of parenting, I can say there have been many times I felt like I have blown it. I have yelled, got upset, jumped to conclusions, and lost my cool. Countless prayers went out for our relationship to weather the ups and downs of our mother-daughter relationship.
Most of these outbursts were in the years before I discovered coaching. Through coaching, I learned the keys to creating what I now call a healthy mom brain.
No matter where you are in your motherhood journey, if there is ever a time when you feel like you have blown it, I want you to know you are not alone. We all fall short and make mistakes, and we all need grace, even from our kids, well, especially from our kids.
Clearing things up in the mental mess of our human brains is the first step to creating a healthy brain and a calmer life. There is some post-meltdown work we can do to stop yelling, feel more connected, and stop the mom guilt. With some guidance, anyone can change, but it will require you to do some reflection, take some responsibility, and learn to reframe.
Take responsibility for your part in all of it
• Have you parented out of fear and turned into a 'helicopter' mom, trying to control the relationship and environment? Children of controlling moms often feel inadequate. Expect and let your child make mistakes along the way. You want your children to make as many mistakes as possible while still under your supervision.
• Taking responsibility may also require an apology. If you have over-reacted, yelled, or name-called and you believe you have violated a boundary, an apology is in order.
• Reflect and reframe: Ask yourself what you did right and what you did wrong, as it can help you reflect honestly. If you had a meltdown and are not proud of your behavior, ask yourself, “how do I want to show up next time?”
• You always have a choice to do things differently if you take the time to reflect calmly on where things went wrong and where things went right. When you've made a mistake, lost your cool, and feel deeply disappointed with yourself, you are not alone, and you are not a bad mom.
• We all have moments when we don't show up as the person we want to be. No one is perfect, so we will always make mistakes. When we do not take the time to reflect, we forfeit the opportunity to learn; we will more than likely make the same error next time.
Remember, friend; it’s what we do after losing our cool that matters. You cannot change what has happened, but you can make amends, learn from your mistakes, ask for forgiveness, and forgive yourself.
I have taught my girls many lessons, one of which was to be good forgivers, especially when it came to their mother.
See you next week,
Roanna
P.S. Are you a mom struggling to create the life you want?
I can help you enjoy being a mom. In just 12 weeks, I can teach you to:
• Stop mommy meltdowns
• Learn to let go of mom guilt
• Feel more confident as a mom
• Build stronger relationships
• learn to silence your inner critic
Learn to enjoy motherhood and create a home where you and your kids thrive.
Want to know more? Book a free 20-minute Q and A session with me.
Click on this link: https://calendly.com/roannarhodeslifecoach/20-minute-session
See you soon,
Roanna