We all want to have healthy relationships. However, many of us were never taught the skills of healthy relationship building.
If our parents did not model healthy relationships for us, we might have misguided beliefs about how healthy relationships are established.
Even if we were lucky enough to have parents who imparted some relationship skills to us, with the broad scope of relationships that exist in our world, it could be tricky navigating our way through it all.
The debunking of any myths is a starting point to taking our relationship IQ to a new high.
Myth One:
We need to talk this thing out.
We have all had conversations with "difficult" people that ended with no resolution. Alternatively, attempting to hash out your differences may have ended in a complete disaster of hurt feelings, that damaged the relationship more than it helped.
You may be relieved to learn we do not necessarily have to have a conversation with a problematic person to improve our relationship with them.
Many relationships can change as a result of a change in our inner dialog.
Before sitting down to have conversations with someone, we need to make sure we have taken time to clarify our thoughts and feelings and motives.
Here are some clarifying questions to ask could be.
What is my desired outcome?
Why is this outcome necessary?
What expectations do I have of the other person, and are they realistic?
Am I asking the other person to meet needs I am not willing to meet for myself?
Having an honest conversation with yourself first will be challenging.
Many of us are not good at searching our hearts and examining our motives.
It is essential to work on your thoughts first.
I am not suggesting conversations should be avoided or that your thoughts and feeling should be buried. I am saying that when we believe we have to have an awkward conversation with a difficult person, the conversation never happens because we want to avoid conflict. This type of avoidance can lead to feelings of resentment, bitterness, and offense on the part of the person doing the avoiding.
Many times having a conversation with a coach can help obtain the clarity needed. From that space of clarity and pure motives, decide if the conversation is necessary.
Myth Two:
My partner should meet my needs, and I should meet theirs.
I teach a beneficial concept called the Manual.
The Manual is based on the idea that many of us have an unwritten book of rules on how we are to be treated, how people are to behave. In essence, it is a rule book others are to follow so we can be complete and happy.
A manual might include the following:
You should help with the kids.
You should compliment me more.
You should take out the trash.
You should talk to me more.
You should know what I want without me asking.
When we design our relationships around a list of rules and obligations, it becomes a job, not a marriage or a friendship.
When I learned about this concept, I decided I could meet my own needs. It does not stop me from asking my husband to do things for me. However, if he does not want to or is unable, I know I can meet the need myself.
This made our marriage more enjoyable because I take responsibility for my self and my needs.
Recognizing we have manuals and subsequently dropping them is the first step in any relationship in which you might having friction.
Myth Three:
Boundaries push people away.
Boundaries are vital for close relationships.
When we do not set good boundaries with those around us, we are not behaving authentically. This means those around us are not getting us but a version we pretend to be.
Boundaries are set to protect us and should not be confused with the previously mention Manual.
Example of boundaries:
If you text while driving, I will not ride with you.
If you come to my house unannounced, I will not open the door.
If you yell at me, I will leave.
If you touch me inappropriately, I will leave and never come back.
We often experience boundary issues because we have no taken care of ourselves and protected our boundaries. We then blame the other person when we are the ones who created the situation.
For example, if my sister took $20 out of my purse without asking, I would consider that a boundary violation. However, if I do not say anything, and she keeps on doing it, I would be agitated and resentful and blame her. But I did not set up the boundary from the beginning. I should have said, "Hey, please do not go in my purse without asking. If you do, I am not coming over here anymore."
Remember, boundaries are to be:
set with love and absolutely followed through on, no matter what.
If you would like to know more about how to set boundaries the concept of the Manual and how to increase your relationship IQ
check out my
If you want to:
Know how to manage any relationship.
Feel more confident in your relationships.
How to spend your mental energy on the things that are important to you.
Have the skills to show up as the best possible version of yourself.
How to stop your mind from ruminating.
And so much more.
Then this course is for you.
During these six weeks of this accelerated course will cover the following topics:
Week one: Introduction to thought work and self-coaching. (value 300.00)
Week Two: Introduction to Relationships and our thoughts about them. (value $100.00)
Week Three: Our Manuals on how people "should" behave. (value $100)
Week Four: Introduction to Unconditional love for yourself and others (value $100)
Week Five: Introduction to Boundaries (Value $ 100)
Week Six: Introduction to Your relationship with yourself. (value $100)
You will receive six one hour private sessions, which will be held in my Zoom office online.
The total value for this package is $800.00
This limited-time offer price is only $600.00.
Classes start on August 1, 2020. Registration will close on July 29, 2020
If you want to know more schedule a free 20- minute strategy session with me at
Hope to hear from you soon.
Roanna.