What makes relationships difficult? Difficult people, right?
What if I told you, it is your thoughts about that person, and your thoughts about the relationship, that makes it difficult? Would you believe me?
When we think that people are dysfunctional, hard to get along with, or a challenge, our brains work to find all the reasons that support our current line of thinking.
Nine times out of ten, when we think of a difficult person, we blame them for the difficulty in the relationship.
There are a few typical roles that we all play in our relationships. Can you spot which one you typically play?
The pretender- The person who pretends that everything is fine. They go through the motions and never acknowledge any of the issues that are taking place. Pretending that the elephant is not in the room can create underlying stress in our relationships.
The "I'm putting my foot down" person- Trying to resolve issues from a place of anger and resentment, or blaming others only creates more problems. This usually occurs when a person has not taken responsibility in the relationship.
Remember, defense is the first act of war. When you feel the urge to put your foot down, make sure you're not stomping on the other person.
Boundaries are set from a place of love for yourself and the other person.
The people-pleaser- These individuals go around complaining, and often denying themselves and playing the victim. They often think they are the ones that need to keep the peace, but in reality, in their effort to keep the peace in the relationship, they lose their inner peace. How do you move forward in these relationships in a way that feels better?
First, recognize if you are playing one of these roles and ask yourself, "why?"
What are you looking for others to give to you that you can not furnish for yourself?
Do not continue in your default thinking. Decide thoughtfully and deliberately who you want to be in all your relationships.
How do you want to show up?
What values do you want to live from and why?
Decide what steps you need to take to live from those values.
Your freedom is in knowing that you have no control over how others behave, think, or feel, but you do have total control over
Have a great week!