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Clean Pain vs. Dirty Pain

What is the difference between the various pains we have?

Pain is a necessary part of life; there is no escaping it.

Pain is part of the human experience and helps us live a full life. 

Without our pain, we won't know joy. 

It’s the knowledge of the opposite end of the spectrum that creates appreciation and gratitude in our lives. (Ecclesiastes3:4)

How your heart heals through the pain will depend on you knowing the difference between clean pain and dirty pain.

Clean pain is the pain that we have that fills us with sorrow. 

This pain can come from the loss of a loved one, the heartache of a friend betraying you or

when you go through a break-up.

It's not bitter and does not cause resentment. 

Thoughts during clean pain sound like 

“I will miss them.” 

"I'm disappointed.” etc.

When we choose to feel clean pain, it almost feels good. It washes over us and cleanses us. We may cry and have relief from the cleansing of a good cry. (Psalm 147:3)

Clean pain is accepting we can -not change what has happened and processing it. You may need to allow the pain, and it may feel like it is taking a long time, but every time you choose to embrace the pain, it will lose its grip. 

How do we process our clean pain?

 First, we name it,

this is sorrow, grief, disappointment

acknowledging it is present with us in the room. 

"I'm hurting." 

"It's normal for me to be hurting right now." 

"I need to feel sad right now." 

“I'm going to allow my sorrow to just be here with me for now.”

We are designed to process pain. 

Pain is a normal part of life.

However, every time we experience it, we tend to think that pain is not normal.

We think we need to fix it immediately. 

We look for things to make us feel better. 

If you avoid or resist your pain, by trying to numb yourself or cover it up, it will linger. 

It will show up in other areas of your life.

 It will stack on top of the other negative emotions and stress you already have, adding more pressure and overwhelming you. 

Dirty pain is created in our minds. 

It does not help us. 

Dirty pain stops us from discovering solutions and moving forward through the healing process. It keeps us stuck. 

Dirty pain sounds like (Psalm 34:18)

" I will never love again."

" I'm damaged goods."

" I'm stupid for letting this happen to me."

" I should have known better."

It causes resentment and bitterness against ourselves or someone else.

When you become aware of these kinds of thoughts, you can challenge them.

"Is this true?" 

"Is it true all the time?"

"What good does it do me to think like this." 

"How could the opposite be true?"

It can be challenging for us to see the difference for ourselves. 

When I coach a client on this and give them the insight, they need, 

it is as though the scales fall off their eyes, and they can see how to move forward. 

Breakthrough and freedom could be just a coaching session away.

Why not book a free 20 session with me? You have nothing to lose.

Hope to see you soon,


P.S. Scriptures to help you when your heart has been broken.


A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

This verse reminds us that life will not always be rainbows and daises. 

Psalm 34:18

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

This verse tells us no matter what God is with us in the times our hearts are broken.

Psalm 147:3

 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

This verse has been such a relief to know that God can heal us and restore us.


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